A Bite of Gender Issues

I spent this afternoon watching some videos from Ted Talks. For those who don’t know, TED is a nonpartisan nonprofit devoted to spreading ideas, usually in the form of short, powerful talks (you can subscribe TED channel in youtube though if you’d like to watch it as well). Continue on, I always got fascinated by the thoughts and notions shared from this channel. And what I spent watching this afternoon is “Feminist” topic. There are some videos about women from different backgrounds who talk about Feminist from their point of views. I’m not an expert in this field nor do I know so much about being a feminist. The basic knowledge I know about feminist is how you call a person who supports feminism. A person who believes that women are equal with men socially, economically, and politically. There are some types of feminist, but I’m not going to dig some more. However those videos give me some kind of insights that I absorbed and got me sit now writing with some thoughts. My friends often call me a feminist, which I don’t agree with. Not because I don’t like a feminist or I don’t proud to be one, but simply because I’m not a feminist. Yes I stood up sometimes when my male friends speak low about women; how they should be, their flaws, their thoughts or when the other way around when they speak high about men; their dignities, what they capable of, and how women should respect men more. It is not the idea of women being dominated by men that makes me stood up. It is the thought of how people are labelled by their gender. Here I’m not going to talk about being a feminist nor an equalist. Here I’m simply talking about why people are labelled by their gender. Seeing those videos make me realize some things and one of it is how I tend to avoid conflict by trying to ignore the vivid problems that we have, in the past and yet still going around now: gender issues. One of the speaker said that we don’t comfortable in talking about gender – which is right. I and my friends tend to laugh and avoiding conflict when it comes to gender topic. Well I did stood up for some topics related to this matter but we didn’t go far as we would ended up laughing or changing the topic. Physically, yes men are usually stronger than women. This is something that I won’t argue with. But when it comes to personalities, characters, and capabilities, we shouldn’t be judged by our gender. Yes we do have tendency to act or think due to our gender, but that doesn’t define who we are. Man who is afraid of cockroach doesn’t mean that he is less than a man, so does a woman who knows self-defense doesn’t mean that she is less than a woman. We have been seeing cross-profession such as male chef, male fashion designer, female pilot, female engineer, and so on, that we don’t see much in the past. I am blessed by the fact that women are being more appreciated now because I’m a woman myself. But read between the lines, we are “only” being more appreciated. There’s a saying, “respect others if you want to be respected”. I’m grateful by how far people would act on respecting women more now. However, have we respect men enough yet? In some cases, I felt like we are the ones who group ourselves based on our gender. Men should protect women, men should treat women gently, you are the man so you know what to do, you are a man so act like one, a man should not be afraid of height and so on. How can we be respected if we keep degrading men? Our society teaches us that a real gentlemen open the door for ladies, ladies’ first, men pay, quota for women in the government, and so on. I am not saying that I don’t like the special treatments given by men. But I believe that men deserve special treatments as well (i.e massage, home-cooking, surprise, gift, etc). I don’t understand why in queuing it has to be ladies’ first unless that woman is pregnant or an old lady. I don’t understand why there should be 30% quota for women sitting in the government while we strive to be where we want to be not because of our gender, but because of our brain, act, and vision. The one that I don’t support is the act of judging people by their gender, not their potentials and values. I don’t understand why women ask to be respected while we degrade men. I don’t understand why men should be the one to decide in a relationship while it takes two to tango. We shouldn’t act toward others because of their gender. What I see, the more women demand for special treatment or “being respected”, the more men retaliate by degrading women that we don’t have anything worth to be compete with. Chimamanda Adichie said it beautifully that “culture doesn’t make people, people make culture”. We should be treated and respected by what we are, not our gender. If we keep on penetrating values of how men should respect women instead of how we should respect each other, how are we going to break the wall between men and women? Women’s success should not intimidate men. Men’s vulnerability should not degrade themselves. Don’t judge people by their gender. Everyone can go as far as they want, have the opportunities of being heard, and respected by their potentials and values. Best Regards, Me :)

Safe Flight !

What do you expect when you say "safe flight" to somebody ? Nice landing ? Safe trip ? Arrived safely ? Well, for me it depends on where do you think the person is going. In normal circumstances, when you see your friend is leaving for vacation - working - travelling.. You convey this message to show your wish for the person's safety while going to the destination. You wish everything is going to be fine and hoping to see a smile drawn on that person's face so that you actually have that warm feeling that everything is going to be fine. That you will get another chance to see that person. One day. Somewhere. Someday. Today, I'm sending off one of my teacher that I know him by heart. Well not literally "sending him off" like dropping him by the airport. But more like sending him prayers for all the best things on him and may lucks along his way afterwards. I wasn't being a very nice student. Often challenging his lectures and ended up getting to know more and learn more. I learned many things from him. Not only about my knowledge in working, how to go through life, and how to smile. I think the best thing he taught me is how to smile. Life is not as perfect and beautiful as you hope and you expect to, but smile is the only way to go through it. No matter how hard, no matter how sad, no matter how do you feel about it, the show must go on. Indeed, the show must go on. Shit happens. You go down and doomed. It happens. That's life. You had enough. You fed up. You don't know where to hide. But you have people around you who look up on you. I still need to learn many things but I know he'll always be there. So, I hope and I'm sure that you go to a better place and we'll meet again at better moment. Safe flight, Boss. To those nice beaches and sunshine. To wherever you go. And whatever is waiting for you there. À bientôt, Monsieur.

Silent Conversation

Do you ever feel like talking to the night ? I mean, like looking at the view outside the car at night and feels like your mind is going somewhere else, having a conversation with the night sky which is having a sweet company named the lights. Your body stays still but your mind is going round and round, occupied by thoughts you had during the daylight. You feel so tired that your brain is actually numb but you need to get your brain busy of things. You have this feeling when you don't feel like talking to somebody or someone, that you just need to make a conversation. To something that doesn't respond to you at all. But something that makes you react honestly. Until out of the blue you start making these scenarios in your head, take 1.. Take 2.. Take 3.. Few or more scenarios of "what if"s. You re-play related scenes of your memories in your head. Things you might or might not be doing. Things you could only imagine to happen but it didn't and it wouldn't in any case. Then the lights suddenly become blurry and looks so vague that you are actually realise that you're just stuck in a moment. You imagine things you could've done better but you didn't do it anyway. You imagine of what life would be but you didn't put yourself all out that you missed the chance. You got scared of the consequences. Or things you got trapped of and you tried so hard to figure it out but you couldn't find yourself at the right place, right time or right door. You heard this gentle voice that is talking to you, pulling your off your very own conversation that actually happen in your head only and you see this marker at the side of the road saying "something big is coming". You close your eyes and slowly inhaling and exhaling.. You gotta continue the show and watch how it becomes. Your time has not come yet. You need to get yourself together. See things with your heart. If only you have something left in your heart now. This is what you call a silent conversation. As it was made not to solve anything, but to give you some rest trying to get rid of boundaries and its burden. When you're having that conversation, the night will only listen and the lights will keep you company. A sweet company.

The Intersection

I always think that the airport is an intersection. People come and go, have different destinations, have different goals, have different adventures or stories to make, waiting for their arrival. People in the airports have expectations, either those who are waiting to pick up or send away somebody or even those who are going to leave or arrive to their destinations. They may set their expectations earlier or even right after they step their feet in the airport. Well sometimes you don't really aware of what's waiting for you in your destination.. It feels nostalgic whenever I see someone who looks daydreaming in the airport. I always have those days where I imagine what kind of adventure that is waiting for me, either for working or having a vacation. I will meet many people from different backgrounds, different places, different values, different point of view, different way of living. It feels magic to me when I can imagine those thoughts of what kind of stories I will make with that person, how are we going to meet, people I may not think will be a friend of mine or even becoming "my people". Don't you think that life is such a gift with soooo many gift wraps to cover it up? Sometimes you need to figure out what is your actual gift. You got a box, you tried to open it, but all you could find is gift wraps by gift wraps. Until you got tired et voila ! Suddenly you have opened the last gift wrap and found your gift. Ps: a gift is not always something that you like :) You went through stories, you met amazing people, you made memories, then you found out the moral of the stories. Thing you need to remember, it's not always easy to figure it out as sometimes you don't even have any idea of what is the moral of the story until you spent years of searching, wondering, and juggling in the same place. It is not always easy to go through, to figure it out, and to accept the gift. I need to pull myself together as well when I thought it's a dead end. I sometimes forget that what I need to do is to figure out another route to get out from the labyrinth. So, the real question here is actually not what is your destination. But who do you pick to accompany you to get to that destination. Because you need the right person to enjoy the ride ;) Good luck, Sifa

An Appreciation for Memories

Being in love is when all songs and lyrics are dedicated to a person. Well, it sounds cheesy but I bet you're smiling when you try to think about it. And when you're trying to think about it, please remember that being in love doesn't mean all the beautiful and flowery things only. Being in love, is more than that. Being in love is when you're amazingly made as happy as you could. You become so greedy of the attention and spoiled of being loved. Being in love is when you're miserably made as sad as you could. You become the most unwanted and ridiculous person alive. The deeper your feeling is, the more you got attached and affected by every little details of changes your counterpart is going through. I used to be in your shoes. Confused of how people can be addicted by that kind of trap as if you can't let yourself free and got stuck into a situation that is out of your control. I used to use my logic more. Such as; why don't you try to control your feelings before you go deeper? why don't you hold yourself from something you can't bear of? why don't you step ahead by yourself and suit yourself as you don't really need any burden to live your life? I used to think a lot. And as I grow up, I think a lot some more :) - which means I'm using my brain quite often. Love is a magic that is able to make you hate the person you love the most and love the person you hate the most. You can't use your logic for love, because only love knows how two-becomes-one. Only love knows how your gloomy day can be brighten up only by a smile from your loved one. Only love knows how your heart can be broken by one or two words from your special one. I tried to squeeze my small brain to see what's beyond the magic and what I can come up with is "love is memories". No matter how much you're in love but when you remember of how your loved one betrayed you, you grow hatred little by little. In the contrary, no matter how much you're mad with your loved one but when you're reminded by how lovely and gentle that person used to be, you start making up excuses just to forgive. Don't get me wrong. I am not trying to show you how good or lucky my life is. I fell in love and hurt in the same time now. Yes I am mad and feel betrayed but that doesn't mean I hate him. I do forgive him, but doesn't mean that I want to let him go sincerely. The true nature of a person who is in love is selfish ! You possess that person so much that you want him/her just for yourself. You're busy thinking of how your life would be with your loved one and how that love one would be when he/she is with you one day. When you're in love, you're busy thinking small little details of how that person will react to anything you do. Truthfully I was enjoying myself being selfish and pampered until I woke up and realize that the time is up. When your loved one wants to grow up and the possibility of you become the hindrance is there. I was mad, of course. I was in denial. I was torn into somebody that I don't even know or proud of. I threw the blame on him. I was scared of losing myself and by nature, I ran into God. I wanted to pray for how beautiful my life will be and how to cope this brokenhearted. And love showed its magic one more time. When I prayed and closed my eyes, all I could think about is how happy I was when I see him smiling. How relieved I was whenever I know that he's doing fine. How grateful I was of him, that I didn't want to ask for anyone any better. I ended up praying of him to be fine, safe, and remain happy. Even though we worship different God, but he taught me of how God wants me to be closer to Him when I was going through something hard. He taught me how nice being loved is. He taught me to be honest and accept your own flaws. I was happy being perfectly imperfect together. I would never know how to fight my love one if it wasn't him showing me on how to always come back and fight for your love one. At the end, I don't want to be an ex who talks big that I will get over him or mad at him and don't want to hurt my pride some more. Start telling bad stories while I know that won't change anything. That, for sure, will only bring me going under and feel so small. The fact that I love him no matter how hard it was, it is, and it will is the one that keeps me going, is not something that I need to be ashamed of. I have to be proud of how I grow up and respect who umade me what I am today. Love is memories. Its warm is irreplaceable. Its kindness is unforgettable. Its tenderness is valuable. When you love someone, you love him/her with all your heart so whenever he/she left, it will leave a spot in your heart which forever granted to that person. Sometimes when you feel like missing the spot, you can come visit and feel its warm so you can continue your life. Regards, SP

Its Complexity

Human minds are complex. I read these words today and somehow it's embedded in my head. Haunting me around as it got me stunned by its meaning. Well, you don't need rocket science to get its meaning. Human minds are complex is a self explanatory. I read a story about a heroine who were juggling around and struggled a lot just to prove how useful she is. However, the more she tried to be, it always came to be she is the one to be saved. But she is indeed a heroine. She doesn't have any super power. She struggles a lot to find what she's good at. She found difficulties to acknowledge her own abilities, because what she's looking at is the ability people look up to. Not her own abilities. At the end, after she found how vulnerable and weakling she is, she eventually stood up to be a heroine by admitting her true colours. Yes, after long debate and tired of denial, she stood up. She faced herself. She pull herself together. She took control of herself so then she could be the heroine of her own. Guess what ? Her only ability is to love. She loves her people. She sincerely tries to protect her loved ones. She didn't take them for granted. She didn't turn her back when her loved ones hurt her. She trust them and she gives them all. No matter how cruel and how bad her loved ones tried to get rid of her, she would come back and fought for them. She didn't let her loved ones go through the battles by themselves even though she couldn't be their shield or the saviour of all. She only has her love which became the power of all. Sounds cliche ? Think of it. When you feel like loving makes you more human and weak.. But at the same time the solid your feelings are, the stronger you become. You have a reason to fight. You have something to protect. Human minds are complex. You need to get rid of your own ego just to see yourself crystal clear. When you caught up by your own ego, your own desires, you start to have these feelings; love, anger, jealousy, hatred, and so on. You forget what's important. You turn down your loved ones. You want everything more and more until you get tired and fed up of yourself and you don't even know what exactly do you want. Come to think of it, I too don't have the level of maturity to act as the heroine in my real life. I follow my desires. I don't get rid of my own ego. I'm eager to be a heroine people look up to. The bigger I want myself to be, the smaller I become. The only thing left in myself now which more likely the same as the heroine; I too have people I want to protect. I too have people who become my reason. I want to be strong. To keep my head up and walking side by side with people I look up to. I want to be my kind of heroine. Bear with me. Until its time. Human minds and its complexity; is a gift.

Demi Sebuah Rangkulan

Tangan itu terlihat nyaman bertengger di bahu putih sosok anggun berambut panjang itu. Sama nyamannya dengan menyandarnya sosok anggun itu pada si pemilik tangan. Diantara kerimbunan pepohonan yang hijau sejuk Dan temaram cahaya senja yang mengintip dari celah-celah dedaunan,soslk sepasang pria Dan wanita itu terlihat paling wajar di sore itu.
Ada rindu yang samar dilukiskan dua punggung yang berdiri sejajar itu. Mereka terlihat ramah antara satu Dan lainnya,layaknya dua kawan yang sudah lama tidak menjumpai satu sama lain. Kemudian sekali lagi dikatakan,sosok itu semakin terlihat wajar.
Lalu bagaimana yang tidak wajar itu? Apa yang salah Dan tidak pada tempat seharusnya?
Hmm,tidak wajar itu,adalah ketika sosok pria yg merangkul sosok anggun itu adalah milik wanita lain yang sedang mengintip dari kejauhan.Dalam hening sosok itu terjaga mengamati kedua sosok yg dikenalnya akrab.
Bukan amarah Dan bukan kepedihan yang terpancar dari sorot matanya,melainkan kasih sayang yang mengalun dalam batinnya.Ntah apa kata-kata yang tercetus dari bibir pria itu sehingga sosok anggun itu mampu mempertaruhkan segalanya demi sebuah rangkulan.Sosok yang diketahuinya cukup cerdas dalam menerjemahkan bahasan dalam sebuah bahasa.Sosok yang seharusnya tahu mana janji yang sungguh akan terwunud,Dan mana yang hanya rangkaian kata layaknya butiran air yang menguap membentuk awan ringan yang terbawa angin.
Pada kenyataannya,kata-kata adalah representasi dari kepentingan masing-masing pihak. Keberadaannya adalah relatif,yang artinya tidak satu pun dapat terpegang. Bahwasanya adalah kesia-siaan jika kita melemparkan kesalahan pada kata demi kata individu lainnya. Karena tepat sesaat sebelum kita mempercayai kata-kata itu,kita telah lebih dulu mengacuhkan kata hati kita sendiri.Jadi mengapa kita masih memindahkan tanggung jawab itu di saat terlepas Sebuah tindakan dipicu oleh kata-kata. Sesungguhnya,saat kamu membuat keputusan,maka kepemilikan untuk sebab Dan akibatnya adalah dirimu sendiri.
Tersadar,sosok wanita dikejauhan itu bangun dari lamunannya. Suara dering handphonenya berbunyi. Diangkatnya dengan spontan,"ya Pa?".
"Ma,kita jadi makan siang nggak,aku mau masak nih,perayaan hari jadi pernikahan kita".
Si istri,tertegun sejenak. Dilihatnya jam tangannya,lalu diliriknya sosok pria yang masih merangkul sosok anggun itu kini sebelah tangannya sedang memegang handphone.
"Pa,Maaf ya aku tahu hari ini hari jadi kita Dan kebetulan ini jatuh di hari libur. But seems that I'm gonna work until late. Will u b ok ?".
Hening di kejauhan, hingga akhirnya sang suami menyahut,"well,if it's more important,then what can I say? I'm with your bestfriend now. I can invite her to come over to taste my cooking".
"yes,it is. And yes, you may invite Laura to fill my absence. Thanks,Dear.Happy anniversary".