you had me at hello

"People change, feelings change. it doesn't mean the love once shared wasn't true and real. it simply just means that sometimes when people grow, they grow apart"

a quote taken from a movie.

one of my favorite movie, which shows that the expectation doesn't always go along with reality. true.

i'm having all this crap floating on my mind, crawling & is about to burst.love matters? nope. too melancholic & vague. i'd like to call it "feelings".

something that happens to you when you wake up in the morning & find out that you were never be sure with somebody you're with. you failed to spell the words, you just know.

or you just realize it when somebody asking you, "is it still there?" & you couldn't give the answer.

and so on.


well, truth is, we will never be sure with somebody/anybody.

because we never be 100% sure of ourselves.

you know that somebody had you at hello & the next thing you met him/her, you don't even have any reason to hold them into your life. trying to keep them away. make a shortcut to end this beautiful live story you ever proud of. out of the blue.

or you have somebody, had you at hello & the next thing you met him/her, you don't even have any reason to hold them into your life. but you just like to keep them there no matter happen. though feelings change, you still need them to complete your life.

feelings are fragile. trust, prejudice, pride, all stored into memories, that you turn over and over again just to remind yourself that you are still able to retrieve the feelings felt in that time.

memories that keep you alive.
as a reminder that feelings are so vague, fragile, & forgotten.

but once feelings change, lies are something that you got.
while you give it a shot for honesty, you only get it worse.

how do we keep these feelings to feel the same thing & felt as same way you had it the very first time?

truth, we don't.

we may be able to remind how it feels or how did it come to you. but no one could avoid it when it comes to fade.

what you are capable of is, to feel different feelings to the same person in each day, each time, whenever & wherever.

regards.

Imaginary World

What are we?


Living a world, that would never be true. we are hoping that we are living the right thing in a right way with a right reason.
spoiled people could easily moaning & crawling some help just to get their problems done. to get things done.

which there'd never be.

nothing will be done.

it's just like a snowball, rolling from a little thing which gets smooth & apparently it's getting bigger & you think that you couldn't handle it.

Live is a snowball. you create it. you imagine how big will it be & how perfect the form will be. where will it be rolling, through which way will it reach the end & end up like a burst.

if you mind being a picky in a selfish world, please don't mind to be a little bit bitter due to there'd never be an end for everything.

-because an end is a new beginning of something else-

don't cost your life at stake, cause it is already at stake whenever you decide to wake up & live your life.

please don't say that you are living a hard life, like people around you are living their life easier, because no one life is easier than the others. & asking to switch your life & their life, will be a futile idea.


they just decide how to handle it. how to face it. how to overcome.
you would never be able to live someone's life & so do he/she.
you've been great with yours, anyway.

the one who matters problems will end up in a hard life, as he/she might wanted it to be.

see here, sometimes, people-do-ask-a-hard-life.

if you don't believe this, pls take a mirror & see yourself, how would it be if you do the other things for your life.
will it be that harder? or much easier?

you are saying that you are living a hard life - well, it sounds like you wish that whatever you are living now to be considered as a hard time for everyone.

pls don't blame life since you are the one who matters it.

why would you be afraid of what you're going to do?

we'll die anyway-sooner or later.

whenever will it be, you'd still be astonished.

world would never be true. it is just an imaginary thing created by people's.no fairy tale ever happened, & it'd be a waste to go ask for the real thing.

while you are one of the creator of the unreal world.

i'm not asking somebody to start asking his/her life after all.

i'm only wondering, why should u bother to matter the world while you are one of the preposition?

the moment you are asking yourself, you will ask what you had left & passed.

-while you don't have anything at all-

you born naked & fragile. you'd be back to be naked & more fragile at the end of the day.

yes, at the end of the day. you were one of the creators.

If You Stop to Step

What happen if you stop to step?
What happen if you stop to try?
What happen if you stop believing?
and so on.

such some cliche questions.

but those questions will remain the same if you start to think about "stopping".

Usually people start to think to stop when they meet the obstacles, when they thought they couldn't bear the feeling of failure, undesirable or unexpectable results. People will be chickened out when they feel insecure. And for sure, the feeling of failure is the best place to feel insecure.

But if they really look into the root, they will find out that the actual wick of the insecure feeling is started by themselves.

Yes, you are by yourself is the one who decides whether you could bear the challenge or not.
You are the one who asks yourself to "stop" while you're trying & choose to let people to see how pathetic you are.
Worst, you are the one who hurt yourself for not letting yourself to prove that you could face the matters - which stands right in front of you.

Dealing the reality.
Reality bites-for sure-but it won't bite you if you know exactly how friendly reality is.
yes, reality is your teacher, your friends, your parents, whoever or whatever you want it to be. And as a teacher, friends -real friends, parents, they won't let you be blunt or blind.
You need to see, hear, & act, by your own words.

You live in the world & surrounded by people you believe, not to tell you what to do, but to tell you what they want you to do just because they want you to tell them what exactly you want to do.

And if you want to feel jealous to someone else, please pick up yourself first. Because you will see somebody who actually has so many talents but to shy to show it up or the reverse, to cocky to let people know how capable you are of something.

Win or lose, is only a word. But if you "stop to step", it means the world.
Nothing is constant, but the fact that life goes on & you will always need to step, whatever happened yesterday, or will happen today & tomorrow.

So later on if you want to stop, just remember:
"you will stop dealing with yourself".


regards.

guys,i'm pregnant

Guys,I'm pregnant.
There's something in my tummy writhing like it's going to scream.
It contains of pain of my conscience.
Such a convict in a cold tummy.

Guys,I'm pregnant.
I don't know which doctor or what kind of specialist shall I meet to overcome this little buddy inside my tummy.
And the best part is this little buddy is starting to influence my brain.I feel numb and my body is stiff,rigid like a dead body. Am I going to be a zombie soon enough ?

Guys,I'm pregnant.
All I can do know is starting to think about my little buddy's future.where will it be,when will it be,&whom to show its coming.

Guys,I'm surely do - pregnant !
So would you please stop telling me,"john,get real,man.you don't do pregnancy".

in the matter of fact.
I DO.
YOU DO.
WE DO.
EVERYONE DOES.

I have my own conscience as my fetus. It could be a big baby who is screaming aloud & sometimes the more we held its voice..the easier we get to vomit.
So guys, me;you;and everybody..we do pregnancy. We do keep our 'babies' alive up until we reach the limit to keep it stop to hide itself. We do pregnancy with the idea,conscience,work,etc..as the babies.

So,when will you giving a birth?


Regards.

what's yet to come

Friends.

As you might say,is the name of people who get along when your family not. Know you better than any of your spouses will. Accept you than any of your boyfriends\girlfriends do.

They just do, for no specific reason, found you with all sort of your lacks.

They're our reflection of what we do, our closest picture of what we are, and our dirty little secret of what we had :) They're just something that keep us.

In fact, however mesmerizingly they touch your life, doesn't mean that they will stay forever next to you. There are times when they weren't there when you need them the most. There are times when they weren't be on your side and choose wherever you did, and there are times when they were just being nice&stay as long as they can, but at the end of the day, your path will cross :)

Anger, sadness, betrayal you name it until farewell are things that may be unbearable in friendship. Some things just matter when it comes to people you love.


People may change, feelings may gone, but memories that you made are golden. It stays forever and will haunt you down if you are willing to deny it.


And the truth will reveal its seal.


Wherever you go, your path will cross again and again and again. Someday, somewhere, in a perfect moment that you might foreseen about what's yet to come.



Even if it's not, try to remember:
The end of something, is always the beginning of the other things :)


Best regards.

Vague Tire

life is always around, dear.
round & round until you got tired and "i think i'm gonna vomit" scene is the best part that might sneak into your comfy sleep in the middle of the night.

exagerrating? that's not my thing.
i do living my life precisely in a way which i'd love to call a "realistic" than bitter - as you might say.

being astound to one and the other scenes is not my call, but still, i do have a heart to tell "sorry, thank you, & please" part.

so, what's our current issue?

remorse.

happen to occur, this word brings you annoyed by those horrible shadows which find you fail to be shammed even in your happiest smile ever seen.

people usually find this as a matter of fact that remorse is unacceptable, unbearable, & inevitable. it's way better for you to be wiser than ever or at least being aware of what happens next.
remorse always comes too late.

it bugs you more than you expect if you're tend to deny it.
but the fact is, you're only human & denying is the best act you would do to save your butt -*sorry to say*- out of the fire.

the fancy part is, even if you know that remorse is all you might got when you're playing with "fire", still it doesn't mean that you'd prefer to use your tiny little brain to work it out.

then i watched this movie, which combine the word "what" and "if". i forgot precisely how it might have been said, but what i remind is "both words are just simple words but if you combine it with one another, it might be a simple question that haunts you whenever & wherever you go" -- "what if"

even in my any logical explanation, this simply question i foresee will haunt me more than what i'm aware of - only if i trapped myself in a silly circumstance.

the thing is, people do have a remorse, including me.
they might have a worst remorse that unbearable and it might able to evolve them in a hardship, ONLY if they are fully understand that remorse is a gift from the past.

you might did something bad or something that you might promise you wouldn't do if you had given one more chance to take it back.
Life seems like a vague tire which able to round and move forward instead of roll it back like you wanted to be.


cursing, blaiming and complaining won't last you in a good shape of future you dream about.
so like Oasis said, "don't look back in anger" because if you were have a remorse to be paid of, just one thing to be recalled: remorse is a gift from the past that courages you to belief yourself that "you will always have a better choice - if you want it to be".

come and go

people come and go.

if someone's coming then someday they might be gone, by default.

by divorce, resign, escape, broke up, death, and so on.
people have too many reasons to go, same as they have it to come.
we are destined to be a part and apart in one simply story-of life.

why don't God just let us to be a part for the rest of our life?

simply, only because God wants to show us of how much they're worth for us.

then again, i spent my 1st of january in condolence.
for the others, 1st of january used to be some new beginnings of a new life, bla bla bla..
as mine, "the end of someone that means something for me"-for these recent 2 years.

the thing is, it doesn't really matter about how people come and go.
the one that matters, is what happened after they're gone.
what's left?
good things..bad things..or something that hasn't done yet.

life is a series of an unpredictable event, and an unexplainable, as well.

so i sat in front of a house which a friend of mine was sleeping and wouldn't ever gonna wake up.
i saw people around me were chattering one to another and felt pity on the family.

then i recalled as much as i could at the moment of people i've met and what happened after they're gone.

people may come and go.
but how we want to be remembered, depends on our decision during our lifetime.

"life is like a book, when the story ends, there'll be another book to be published, then might be some popular books to be a best seller--but only a 'good book' that will win the pulitzer"

so, how do you want to be remembered?